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This little nose of mine…

For the last two and a half weeks our little cherub has had, according to his pediatrician, a head cold. Aside from some coughs early on, which is what alerted is to the situation, my little one is stuffy. That’s all. No puking (well once, possibly due to nasal drip. It made all other posts about baby puke laughable as it very clearly resembled The Exorcist, minus the spinning head).

Doesn’t sound that bad, right?  It wasn’t, at first.  But then it started to affect his nursing.

My little one, and his accompanying healthy appetite, broke into my work stash last week.  As in my I’m saving this in the freezer downstairs for when I go back to work stash.  It’s been a crushing experience and emotionally exhausting, especially with the breast pumping and supply issues I had a few weeks ago.  It was only thirty ounces  but I was really proud of it: neatly organized, frozen packets standing upright inside a Pepsi 12 pack container, their contents meticulously calculated by both milliliters and ounces. On average I was only pumping an extra one to two ounces per day to use as an “emergency” stash in the fridge until the time came to decide if it would be used or, oftentimes, frozen.

The good news is that he can feed sometimes with no issues, like he did  before passing out (thank God, it’s only midnight and he hasn’t been up this early in quite some time) right before I started writing this. RB checked his diaper, re-swaddled him and took him into the bathroom with the shower running while I anxiously rocked in the glider, waiting for my bundle of (at that point) screams. Going from having an easy going, happy babe  to a baby who screams and won’t breastfeed has dramatically affected my confidence. Looking down at this screaming, red faced, swaddled infant, it was almost as if he was a newborn all over again. And here I was fumbling, confused and ready to just cry.  Déjà vu.

This situation has also put so much pressure on my ability to at least keep up with what he eats that I can’t focus on him as much as I’d love to. I’m back to pumping after every. single. feeding, and I’m tired.

I’m hoping it gets better soon.

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