dreams, family, thirties · family · modern life · thirties · trainwreck

A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes

It’s hard to focus with so much going on.  Our buddy bailed on us and we have no contractor to fix our old home, which may be falling apart faster than expected.  We’re only going to be able to do about half of the home repairs/updates we had planned on doing, but now for an extra $10,000-15,000 (ballpark).  Our financial situation is the same, just now scarier.  We’re nearing the end of month two of our budget experiment, and although we’ve made subtle changes that will hopefully result in some moderate savings eventually, overall we still suck and blow money on stupid shit.

My parents are coming home from their 3 month jaunt in Florida.  My father’s health is deteriorating and I continue to have unresolved guilt about our relationship over the years, especially when we blamed his medical issues on his drinking problem before his diagnosis.  I’m optimistic we can rebuild something, and he can develop a relationship with BB, before it’s too late, but I’m a realist too.

I rediscovered that media is one of my biggest inhibitors to being productive.  What is it about screen time that dilutes our desire to create, to be close to others?  I get on RB constantly about staying off his phone around BB during our time together, but after BB’s bedtime we’re both guilty of it.  Constantly.  Why are we not held to the same standard of protection as a toddler?  If I view technology as bad for my son, why is it okay that I allow it to dictate so much of my life?  I understand it’s a sign of the times but I dream of a future for BB where he’s not socially conditioned to mindlessly stare at a screen and have his imagination, creativity and interest in the world around him sucked out.

Despite my perpetual shortcomings I took a full day workshop on how to start my own business on Friday.  I feel scared, and already like my dream won’t be feasible, but I’ve been finding myself think of creative solutions instead of just becoming hopeless and brushing off my ideas like I usually do.

The future is still up for grabs.

 

 

 

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