life · modern life · Sandwich Generation · thirties

Update

I haven’t been very good at writing anything the last couple weeks.  BB’s growing faster every day and we’re struggling to keep up with him; plans have begun for his second birthday party.  I still don’t understand how this happened. 

We FINALLY began renovations on our home and my Negotiations Committee reached a tentative agreement with our employer, all the while I dream of better things.  I just want to create and make things better.  I have so much more love to give. 

Issues in our neighborhood are beginning to boil over again but our Block Club isn’t doing much to help; we’ve arrived at a strange point where we can’t take on any more “projects” but deliberate, swift action may be necessary, and only if we initiate it.  Our hands are sticky from being thrust into as many cookie jars as they already are.

BB’s godmother was hospitalized a couple weeks ago.  We physically had to carry her weighted, unconscious body downstairs and load her into her SUV, then drive her to the hospital.  She was in a coma for over a week, and between visits to the hospital and dealing with the aftermath of her choosing not to return home, it was unpleasant.  In the mean time RB and I are trying to talk more, and I’m making a conscious effort to be a better wife, but I’m far from perfect.  I’m never happy and I’m not sure whose fault it is.  I never feel more lonely than when I’m with him. 

Above all that, my father is dying.  And I don’t know what to say to him when we are around each other.  We have years of estrangement to try to compensate for, but the little changes – sent regularly through silly Bitmojis and texts that say I love you – will hopefully help us both be more at peace in the end.  He has between 12-30 months left. 

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